Snow

Here's some video of the Peanut. Enjoy!

We took her out into the snow for the first time on November 22nd (also the day it took me 2 1/2 hours to get to my office) It's a little dark, but I wanted to share:

I tried to get the Thanksgiving video to load, but I'm having some trouble. I'll work on it, as I know you all want to witness "The Great Mashed Potato Experiment".

I'm sorry I've been absent from blogging for a while. I've just been having a rough time. Some sort of delayed grief reaction, I suppose. When Maggie was first born, and for all those months in NICU, I was in survival mode. I just wanted to get her home. When she first came home, there was so much going on that I still didn't deal with alot of the residual feelings I had from her early arrival. So now that she's been home for a few months, it's all catching up to me. I've spoken to alot of other micro-preemie parents about this (I belong to an online support group), and it sounds pretty typical. So at least I know I'm not completely nuts... Most of the time, I can keep it together pretty well. But there are some days where I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water, and it's all I can do not to just sit on the floor and cry.

Hunger Strike '08 continues. Maggie is barely eating 1/2 ounce by mouth now. She will sometimes refuses completely. She will still suck on her fingers and her binky, so we encourage that as much as possible. She is still throwing up a significant amount, but seems to have improved a little in the last few days. We are giving her less milk on a more frequent schedule, and this seems to stay down a little more consistently. So at least she is keeping the calories IN better. I met with the GI doctor again last week, and we are keeping Maggie's medications the same. She will have an endoscopy done later this month, to have a look inside her esophagus and stomach, and to take biopsies if necessary. I also got Maggie an appointment to see the Feeding Clinic at CHOP in a couple of weeks, so I am very excited for that. They will help us address the behavioral aspect of Maggie's feeding difficulties. I am thankful that we have so many excellent resources in the area. My friend Jules is a NICU nurse in Maine, and she was telling me that alot of her parents have to drive upwards of 3 hours to get to Boston for specialists like these. We are very, very lucky to live within driving distance to the #1 Children's Hospital in the country.

In more positive news, Maggie had her first follow up with the eye doctor since discharge from the NICU. Dr. Nelson said that everything looks great with Peanut's eyes! We don't need to see him again until this time next year! It was so good to have one thing COMPLETELY crossed off the "worry list"!

We are taking Maggie to get her first Christmas tree today. We decided that, since the tree farm is outside, it would be okay to bring her. So she'll get all bundled up, we'll wisk her over to the tree, snap a couple of pictures, and put her back in the car! I am so excited to see her at Christmastime. She is becoming so aware of the world around her. It's fun to watch her see everything for the first time!

Thank you all for your calls, emails, etc, while I have been in hiding these last couple of weeks. I can't promise I will be any better in the near future, but please know how much we appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I am trying to take better care of myself-- I think I've neglected myself over the last 7 months because I am always so worried about the baby. I am planning to renew my membership at the Y so that I can get to the gym for an hour at least a couple days of the week. Not that I particularly ENJOY working out, but maybe it will be a good stress release for me. (Not to mention boost my self esteem and body image.) I will be heading up to CT next weekend for some much needed "girl time" with my good friend Liz. We have massages scheduled for Saturday!!! (Boy, do I NEED it!) I think that decking our halls today and turning up the Christmas music will also do WONDERS for my mood.

~Sara