At a little after midnight, I snuck into Maggie's nursery. She was sleeping so peacefully in her crib. I touched her face, her hair, her little hands. I remembered the first time I ever touched her: her tiny right foot, skin like saran wrap, warm in the incubator, surrounded by life saving machines, tubes, wires, gripped by fear. "Hi, I'm your Mommy...", I said that day.
Last night, I touched her soft skin, listened to her breathe, watched her face while she dreamed her little baby dreams.
Ever so quietly, I began to sing. Those of you that know me, know I have sung to Maggie EVERY day of her life. Sometimes silly songs, sometimes lullabyes. Last night, I got to sing my sweet baby "Happy Birthday". I sang it sweetly, through my tears of happiness and gratitude.
Maggie opened her eyes, looked right at me, and smiled her toothless grin.
I picked her up, and we sat in her rocking chair. I thought of all the nights I woke up missing her, all the nights I slept in that rocking chair waiting for her to come home to me. I thought of all the times at 3am that I got up and sat in front of her closet, praying that she'd get to wear all those tiny dresses.
Last night, I rocked my sweet baby, and sang her "Happy Birthday".
It is a song of gratitude to me now. "Happy Birthday to you. (Thank you.) Happy Birthday to you. (Thank you for saving my girl.) Happy Birthday Dear Maggie (Thank you, God.) Happy Birthday to you."
I am filled with profound gratitude.
~Sara
9 hours ago
3 comments:
Sarah...hi its Patti Salvas mom. I love reading your blogs. I see a fat, pink beautiful baby in your pics and videos. I also see one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. You are a great mother and such an inspiration. You have nothing to be forgiven for, that baby is lucky to have been born to you and your husband you are truly great parents, please dont blame yourself for something that was out of your control. I can't believe she is a year old. I have never met her yet I feel like I know her. Happy Birthday Maggie!!!
We just wanted to wish Miss Maggie Magoo a very, very happy first birthday. Good work, little one! You are thriving and happy and you have the BEST parents. I'm so glad we've gotten to know you through your mommy's words this year. You are one special little girl who is very much loved.
Congratulations on making it through a big preemie parent milestone, Sara and Dan. Happy Birthday!
with love from Linda,George, Rose and Cora
Happy birthday, Maggie! We can't wait to meet you!
Sara, PLEASE stop beating yourself up! (Way easier said than done, I know.) You are an amazing mother and are so very blessed! And Miss Maggie, she is so very blessed to have you as her mom.
Big hugs from one preemie mom to another.
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