Nursemaid's Elbow

We sadly left Cape Cod yesterday afternoon, and because the trip all the way back to PA is such a long one, decided to stay overnight with our dear friends, The Bilodeau's, in CT. Traffic getting off the Cape was murder, but we made it in time to share a great BBQ chicken cook-out with Brandon, Liz, Luke, and Kyle.

We got all the kids bathed and ready for bed, and Liz and I prepared to tuck ourselves in on the couch with some wine and conversation. After about 10 mins, it became clear that the extra nap Maggie took while we were fighting Cape Cod traffic meant that she was NOT going to sleep anytime soon.

The four of us were sitting in the living room, watching Maggie play. She was trying to creep and pull up on the couch. Dan had her standing in front of him, and she was bouncing and laughing. Suddenly, she lost her balance, and swung to one side. To catch her before she fell, Dan grabbed hard onto her left arm, and it twisted sharply.

Poor Magoo let out a shriek! She was really crying, and I knew she was in alot of pain. Now, you have all heard me talk about how Maggie DOES NOT CRY. This is NOT an exaggeration. She whines a little when she's tired, but only cries when she is in a considerable amount of pain. The screams after the "almost fall" were close to what I heard in the 2 days immediately after surgery. She wasn't using her left arm at all; it hung limp at her side as her right hand clawed at my arms in pain. She screamed louder every time I touched her left arm, and couldn't even tolerate an ice pack. After about 30 mins of being inconsolable, we decided to take Maggie to the urgent care facility down the street.

We piled in the car, and Maggie continued to scream. It felt like we drove for 2 hours, though I'm sure we got there in less than 10 mins. At one point, Maggie had moved her arm to get away from the ice pack. I carefully lifted it back up, and she let out a howl! I felt terrible, but knew the ice was the best thing to do.

All I could think on the way there was Maggie's nutritional deficits, and how it might affect her ability to withstand injury. I thought back to her discharge from the NICU, when they were so concerned about Osteopenia of Prematurity (thinning of the bones). It was all I could do to keep from crying. I sang "Winnie the Pooh" over and over again, in the hopes of quieting her down.

By the time we arrived, Maggie actually seemed better. By the time we filled out our paper work, Maggie was using her left hand to pull at the ID bracelet we got during check-in. By the time the doctor came into see us, Maggie was banging her left hand against the chair we were sitting in.

Kind of like when your car makes that awful noise, but stops immediately when you take it into the shop....

After I finished apologizing to the doctor, "Really, she's completely fine now. I'm sorry to be wasting your time.", he explained that Maggie had suffered a "Nursemaid's elbow". When Dan caught her by the arm to prevent her from falling, the little bones in her elbow separated, and the ligaments slipped in between. The pinched ligaments hurt like crazy, and often render the arm immobile. Much of the time, the doctor needs to "reset" the joint (pop it back into place). Occasionally, the joint can self correct. Apparently, when I lifted Maggie's arm in the car to put the ice pack back on, I inadvertently fixed Maggie's elbow. (Go Mommy!)

We were discharged with instructions to "keep an eye on it" and give Maggie Tylenol as needed. She was sleeping peacefully in the car before we were 3 minutes down the road.

The irony of the situation was not lost on me: The first "emergency" we had with Maggie had NOTHING to do with feeding issues, GTubes, or really anything related to her prematurity.

And who'd have thought that it would take an Emergency Room visit to push us even further into the realm of "normal" babyhood?!?!?!

~Sara

Happy Second 1st Birthday, Maggie!

Is it just me, or is this cake addressed to "Meggie"? (I'm sure there's a story there somewhere, but we'd have to ask my mom...)

One year ago today, I brought my Miracle Maggie home from the hospital. One hundred and five long days and nights spent praying, begging, crying, missing her, looking at her empty crib, clothes hanging in the closet unworn... and I finally got to take her home.

I have to admit, today actually means MORE to me than her actual birthday, in a weird way. After Maggie was born, she didn't feel like mine. When she was six days old, and I held her, I fell in love with her. I wanted her to be mine, but she still wasn't, really. I had no power over when to hold her, when to change her diaper, or how much she ate. I was her mother, supposedly, but other people were raising her. Even though I visited every day, she spent more time with her nurses than she did with me. Every time I held her, I felt the need to introduce myself to her again "Hi. I'm your mom. Remember me?"

But a year ago, we put her in the car, and pulled out of Lankenau Hospital's driveway. I was shaking, with excitement AND fear. I half-expected alarms to go off as we crossed the threshold onto the street, or for police cars to follow behind us and ask us to pull over. I half-expected someone to rush out of the hospital entrance and say, "There's been a mistake. You have to bring her back in."

Celebrating Maggie's real birthday in May was actually really painful for me. I relived the fearful hours before her birth, the fear of losing her still so fresh. I struggled with guilt-- I cannot help but feel that my body somehow failed her, and therefore *I* had somehow failed her. The anniversary of Maggie's birth was admittedly NOT a very happy day for me.

Today, I got to celebrate. I felt the joy that I should have felt on May 1st. We had a party with close family and friends here in Cape Cod. We bought a cake. We let her put her hands in the frosting (which she was a little more interested in than in May), took pictures, and celebrated our miracle. We celebrated the anniversary of welcoming Maggie into our family forever. I smiled. I laughed. I did NOT cry. I did NOT feel sad. I did NOT feel like a failure. Today, I remembered the 1 pound, 9 ounce baby that was born in May last year and thought "HA! We did it!" Today was a good day. Today was a special day.

And so, EVERY year, our girl will have a "second birthday"-- if not for HER, then for me.

~Sara

Vacation and An Anniversary

This week, we are up in Cape Cod, Massachusetts visiting my grandparents. Maggie is having a wonderful time so far. Above is her second day on the Cape- at Skaket Beach. You can tell by the look on her face that she isn't exactly happy about the sand. We think that she thinks it's "dirty", as every time any part of her body comes in contact with it, she wrinkles her nose, shakes said body part, and looks at us like "Get it off. Get it OFF. NO REALLY, GET IT OFF!" Sadly, no sandcastles for Magoo this year!

Maggie has been doing a little better with her feeding these last couple of weeks. She is now taking about a tablespoon or so of baby food, about an ounce and a half from the bottle, and is exploring alot of new textures with table food. Just last night, I broke up some of those Gerber puffs into small pieces for her. Maggie put some in her mouth, made chewing motions with her jaw, and actually swallowed a couple! This was HUGE. Anyone who has experienced a kid with an oral aversion knows that I am NOT exaggerating when I say that I have NEVER seen Maggie chew ANYTHING in her life. It was really encouraging. She does tend to gag a little more on the puffs if it gets caught in the back of her throat, so that has limited her desire to eat them, but it's wonderful to see her so interested in a food (as much as a puff can count as food), self guide it to her mouth, chew and swallow! It is painfully slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

We expect the good weather up here to continue for most of our week. On Friday night, the whole family is taking Maggie to Chatham, to experience her first Chatham Band Concert. Every Friday night during the summer, the Chatham Town Band gives a concert. They wear old fashioned red band uniforms with big hats, and the conductor wears white. They do a whole "dance" section for the kids, complete with the Bunny Hop and a sing along. It is a family tradition of ours since my childhood to go to the Chatham Band Concert every Friday night, and it's one of the things I have dreamed about for Maggie since she was born.

Speaking of NICU time, Maggie will celebrate her one year "home birthday". We brought her home from the hospital a year ago this Thursday the 13th. We plan to get a cake and really celebrate! This day is just as important as her birthday; to me, it's the day she "officially" became ours.

I'll post some pictures when we return home next week. Thanks for checking in on our girl.

~Sara